i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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