be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
