you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
