I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
