just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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