I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You're like the curious george of whores
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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