i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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