return my video game
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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