I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize