i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
