Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Too much gin, very little bucket
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
