New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
