We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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