i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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