Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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