im so drunk with asians
where?
always
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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