OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
