Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
