i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
