i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
