So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I need to stop coming to work sober
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
