Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
