She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
