It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
