My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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