Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
God I need to hump something, right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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