finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Still dying that you shit outside
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
