Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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