What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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