My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
