You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
