DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
