Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
