i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
