There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
