last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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