ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
