Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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