dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
