Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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