And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
