He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
