Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
