just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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