I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize