evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
