I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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