Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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