I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
