That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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