I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
