apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
