I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
