the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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