i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
