I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
People in love make me want to vomit
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
