in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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