Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
