so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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