if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
