My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
