Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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