got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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