he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
