so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
