glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
