Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
