You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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